Posting the salad recipe today reminds me of something that I have wanted to discuss with all parents, everywhere, for awhile. After three children, teaching lots of young children for over ten years, and cooking lots and lots of food for adults, children, and college students--there are some unalienable truths about food. I even polled my husband, whose food experience with children equals our children.
I am very opinionated about this subject, and certainly temper my comments with memories of my own children destroying dinner with a tantrum about cheese on something or onions in that. I even remember my dad making me sit til I chewed up a piece of roast beef. It became a beefy pudding that I would not swallow, but I gladly ate roast beef yesterday with my dad at age 36, and I even had seconds! Nonetheless, here's what I see as the truth about food . . .
1. There should be no accommodating "child food" brought to the table unless the entire family is eating it as part of the meal. This takes care of a lot of ills. First, children learn to eat a variety of foods that their parents may choose to prepare for the family. Second, few adults can really eat macaroni and cheese and chicken nuggets every night for five years. I think this warrants no explanation.
2. Even if children pick apart an "adventurous dish", they see their parents (hopefully) consuming it in its entirety. This teaches them that human beings really do eat small bits of onions, green peppers, mushrooms, unidentifiable sauces and stuffings, and stinky cheese. And, I promise, someday before age six they will eat all of these things with delight. Usually, they eat them until age two, don't eat them until five, then eat them again. The point is, keep pushing the envelope, and let them pick it apart. Don't avoid seasonings, small bits, and odor in your cooking. Maybe chilis, but that's about it.
3. Behind every picky child is a picky parent or a parent who accommodates a picky child. You know who you are, and I love you. But let's face it, kids won't eat what they aren't served. If you're picky, try to give your child a better life than you had--who wants to travel the world or visit friends in every state and secretly be starving because Kraft Easy Mac isn't readily available? Start pushing the envelope for you and your kids. Take baby steps, and they will go with you.
4. Don't force a child to eat--let them, shall we say, choose it. I belive strongly in natural consequences--that's really the principle we use to discipline at school, and it develops people that choose to do the right thing on their own someday, because they know it's best and because they don't need a sticker or a tattoo on their hand to do it! So, applying natural consequences to food . . . everyone at the table takes at least a bit of everything on their plate. This gets the child comfortable with being in the presence of lots of things--even peppers, onions, and mushrooms. HA! Next, they can enjoy whatever component they choose on the plate and eat it heartily. If they don't like anything, they don't have to eat. (Remember the gross beef pudding I referenced earlier--don't do it!) But, if they like one thing, they can't keep having piles and piles of it if they aren't willing to at least try the other things on their plate.
Will your child starve? No! We routinely offer a last round of snacks before bed for our growing children, but it's something healthy and usually protein, i.e. a piece of turkey or ham, a string cheese, or a cup of yogurt. Sometimes, we even offer to reheat their dinner for them, expecially if it's something we know they've eaten and enjoyed before. Will your child eventually remember that a hungry belly feels kind of yucky and maybe he should pick apart the enchilada and eat the part he likes the next time? You betcha.
5. Make kids part of the cooking/growing/purchasing of food, and/or planning menus for the family. This helps them get on board quickly, I promise. Be sure to add in some of their favorite meals and snacks, in the healthiest way possible. For instance, if they love macaroni and cheese, make a delicious one from scratch and maybe add in some frozen organic spinach or diced tomatoes. Try your hand at homemade baked chicken nuggets.
6. Managing food-related behavior. It will happen--your child will throw a tantrum, fling a plate across the table, or otherwise become menacing at the table. Remove them. Meal time is special time. It is to be revered for everyone's digestive sake. If they can't follow the afore mentioned rules, then remove them lovingly from the table and place them somewhere outside the dining room or kitchen. Tell them that when they are ready to come back to the table quietly, they may, and that they may not interrupt the entire family's dinner. Mind you, they don't have to eat when they come back, they just have to sit quietly or engage in conversation. Eating what is before them is their choice or not. This method should start around 18-24 months of age. Before that, children just do what feels good, but they should be in a high chair and not allowed to continually to fling food like monkeys either. Letting infants and toddlers be part of the dinner experience, eating with you, is important. Mash your dinner up for them so they learn to experience lots of foods, too!
Make dinner an experience. Kids can set the table, arrange candles or flowers, blow out a candle, tell a story, participate in dinner conversation, pour drinks from little pitchers, wipe the table, scrape plates. Develop a routine and they will come to expect it. Don't overwhelm yourself at once--just pick a couple of ways the children can help each night.
A healthy family eats together, tries new things together, cooks together. You can do it! It's worth it, now and later! Mom may need a glass of wine sometimes, but try it anyway.
~Leslie
