Perhaps one of the most significant gifts we can give our children, whether at school or at home, is the gift of observing and participating in meaningful work. How many of us have had the experience of having had a play room full of toys available to our children, and yet they want to play with our things, close to us? Yes, children love to be near their parents, but it is also the idea of purpose that draws them in. Our energy is focused on the lap top, the dishwasher, or the lawnmower because the task at hand must be done. They push the "enter" button, pull out the bottom drawer of the dishwasher, and find something to push across the lawn to mimic our focus. They aren't just trying to get on our nerves, I assure you!
Similarly, children take great joy and receive vast comfort in the repetition of life. It is important that the framing of major daily events take place at nearly the same time, in the same way. Nothing requires more predictability than the activities surrounding...food and sleep! Besides love, food and sleep are the foundation for children and parents alike. We have all experienced our children requesting the same book night after night, or the behavior that comes with an over-hungry child whose body has come to expect lunch at 12. It is clear that repetition is something children value (and need).
How, then, can we allow our children time to participate in meaningful tasks that repeat because they have purpose, because they must be done? How can we allow the repetition that it takes for our child to do the task well and to take comfort in the peace of predictability? What are reasonable expectations?
First, let us all acknowledge that our lives with young children are incredibly busy, whether we stay home with our children or work outside the home. Whew!, and "I'm too busy" is not an excuse! Now, let us acknowledge that our children need to care for themselves someday. They'll need to feed themselves in college, do laundry, or even negotiate kindergarten lunch time all on their own. And, there's also an academic reason for all this: in focusing on purposeful tasks, you'll help your child build brain synapses that allow for concentration as they move into the academic realm at age 6 or so.
Setup
1. Identify 3 or 4 tasks that your child can assist with on a daily basis. Make sure they are spread out a bit.
2. Does the environment need to be modified for their success? Is there a "safe" real paring knife that your child can use to chop the bell pepper that you have cut in thin strips? Is there a small basket with a child-size spray bottle and a cloth waiting for their after-dinner wiping of the table? What will they stand on?
3. Can you perform these tasks with your child with joy and patience?
4. Is this something that really needs done? Remember, it must have purpose. Kids know if it's phony!
5. Is this task something my child will find interest in, and is its length age appropriate?
6. Revise tasks if the experience is miserable. Also, keep trying!
Doing
1. Turn off the TV! Get away from the laptop! Put your cell phone away! Focus.
2. Perform each task or a similar task alongside your child. Don't give many instructions. Just work, and maybe sing or hum.
3. Don't offer praise. (What?!?) Yep, don't interrupt your child's concentration with a need to make them feel like they're the best chopper you've ever seen. It's not true, and the honor of you working beside them and the process of successfully completing the task will build self-esteem all on its own.
4. Let the child be part of the whole process, set-up, doing, and clean-up. "Start to finish" let's them see the real time and effort involved in the task.
5. Thank the child for his or her help, but here's the catch. The "thank you" isn't expressed as "thank you for helping mom cook dinner" but rather "thank you for helping make dinner for our family". The subtle difference, and the reason we shouldn't pay the child for chopping the peppers, is that they are part of a loving family where it is the expectation that everyone contributes to the family's work and its play.
Ideas for the Child 18 months to 2 1/2 years:
carry laundry to the hamper, sort laundry, carry one's plate to the trash or compost bucket and scrape, sort clean silverware, pick up toys, wipe a chair or table that has been sprayed, help feed the pet, carry items to the recycling bin, knead dough, top a pizza, put clothes in drawer as adult hands them to the child
Ideas for the Child 2 1/2 years to 3 years:
help measure ingredients and push the buttons on the food processor or blender, carry clothes to laundry, sweep the floor with a whisk broom and small dust pan, water plants, chop soft items with a butter knife, put away non-breakable groceries
Ideas for the Child 3-5 years:
begin using a paring knife/grater/vegetable peeler as skills progress, vacuum, fold dish towels/wash cloths/cloth napkins, retrieve the correct number of items at the grocery store (i.e. 4 lemons), wash dishes, load the dishwasher, use a toothbrush to clean baseboard or a shower, put away one's own laundry, fold one's mid-size blanket, straighten bed, dust, pound nails, haul dirt/sand/rocks in a wagon or child-size wheelbarrow
Want to know more? Here are some highly recommended resources for bringing joy, purpose, and repetition to the tasks in your home.
You are Your Child's First Teacher: What Parents Can Do With and For Their Children from Birth To Age Six ~Rahima Baldwin Dancy
Home Away from Home: LifeWays Care of Children and Families ~Cynthia Aldinger and Mary O'Connell
Heaven on Earth ~Sharifa Oppenheimer
